John denver and drama

Fear

Currently Listening Born Slippy By Underworld see related

Mi vida Loca.

Currently Listening It's Yours By Jon Cutler see related

It's yours.

I am listening to this sort of old school house song.  it's by Jon Cutler, called " It's yours".  Amazing.  First, it hits me because it came out during the time I was very active in the house/rave/dance scene. 

yes, I was part of the dance scene.

This song is all about the journey to knowledge.  he asks the question at one point that if you had it ( knowledge), would you flaunt it.

He talks about purity of mind and deep inner happiness. It come through  "the knowledge".  How awesome.  Most of you know my angle on religion and my claims on jesus.  That is my truth and reality.  The bible talks about how we are renewed according to the knowledge of Him who created us. 

How many of us have knowledge of where we really are?  How many of us think of ourselves as we truly are?  Some of us have a greatly inflated idea of who we are.  I ran into a guy like that this past weekend and I will just say he is lucky I have  done lots of work to be able to keep my temper in check because I easily could have returned the anger he showed me and things would have been real, real bad.

Side note, when i took a world religion class and someone asked how the monks can justify martial arts and not being total pacisifists as their pathway to nirvana, the teacher told us they did not see martial arts as creating anger/violence but merely returning the anger shown to them.  understand the theories of energy and how they think things are kind of all the same, just different forms of energy ( OK, that is grossly simplified and does not completely represent their thoughts of the earth) and it makes a lot of sense.

As they, and I, would say, we have the chance to break the cycle.  Ager does not have to be continued unless it is the only way tog et out of a situation, that after lots and lots of maneuvering.

anyway, I was just inspired to write and I have lots of energy all over the place right now.  Lots of movement in m life, not sure what is up with some things, my heart soars with some cool things and I have lots of hope.  My situation at present is not the most comfortable, but only because I am so dependant on people.  The people God has put in my life are amazing and amazingly supportive.  I am thankful for my little california familyI have out here.

The original intent of this blog was just to say- regardless of where your source is, get a true knowledge of yourself.  Most people are way greater and way more useful than they give themselves credit for.  I had a little bit of a breakthrough in an area I had previously not felt so great about.  Some really kind words were spoken to me yesterday that made me realize that maybe I have been a little more useful with some stuff than I previously thought.  Learn to step back and see the big picture.  have real expectations of yourself and learn to hear what the truth is, not all the noise of others telling you what they think ( especially if they are uninformed or lack wisdom) and maybe most of all, learn to quiet that almost never ending voice that tells us we have  fallen short of the mark, over and over again.

We are some beautiful people.  let's act like it.

:)

Werd

Currently Listening Full Attention By Jeremy Riddle Sweetly Broken see related

Wyldlife

So I am finally calming down from the Wyldlife study.  Wyldlife is the middle school ministry I help out with.  I have grown together with the kids who I have known for the better part of a year and a half.  I will be stepping out of Wl and Christian Surfers fairly soon.  Well, already out of CS as a director and I will finish out the semester with Wl and then not continue after the summer camp at eh end of June.

So, things are basically OK..actually all cylinders are firing and it's an awesome thing.  I am very happy with my life and joy seems to be constantly bubbling out of me these days.  I can say that the grief recovery workshop I went through at church have made such a difference.  it was an 11 week art therapy class.

The typical exercise would be a series of 4 thoughts.  Annie ( the therapist/teacher) would say the overall topic and then she would say to use 2 colors and paint how anger makes you feel, then sadness, then joy, then love..and so on and so forth.  I saw in the last two lessons that it was training the mind to not deny the hurt but to turn it into something positive.  Now the self exercise would be to think about something that we are thankful for and something that makes us happy.  We were given plain paper journals at the end of the class to use in the future to draw and paint on as a journal.  it's pretty amazing.

I had my first real test this past saturday.  I went to church for a class and when I walked in the building there were happy mother's day decorations all over the place.  They were actually having a mother's day party for a ministry our church has for mothers infected with HIV/Aids.  it took me by surprise and I always get so bummed when I forget days like that and they sneak up on me.  Especially things related to my mother.  Anyway, it started to seriously bum me out but I was able to turn it around and that was amazing.  I still was a little sad but I seriously was surprised how I was able to put it aside and get my things done.

That is a marked improvement over even 6months ago where I would have seen the banners for mother's day, got bummed then gone home and slept for a long time.

I am glad that apathy and emptiness have been healed in my life.

I will always be a little effected by the death of my family but I am thankful that it is at least manageable now.

Anyway, there it is.

Tomorrow I am picking up Bekki's baby Aeden, he is around 2 years old.  I have had the joy of watching him a few times.  He's is a rad little boy and I love being able to watch him.  After I pick him up we are going to pick up my friends Skip and Abbie.  They are flying to North carolina where Skip was raised.  His father passed away Sunday morning.  It's sad but at least not totally unexpected.  His dad was sick with congestive lung problems for a long time.  it just sucks when they finally are gone.  That strange balance between knowing they are not suffering anymore and being so sad they are gone.

it will work out and it just seems peculiar to me I am in such a good spot with all this loss of my own that Skip and I have been running together for the past month reforming a friendship.  I think I have the privilege of helping him trough this super tough time.

So, there it is.  i will talk to you later.

Oh yeah, go on you tube and search for a song called sweetly broken by Jeremy Riddle.  it's kind of rad.